psychological counseling - Do you or your teen have feedback you'd be willing to share?
To All,
My child's doctor believes that psychological counseling is an important part of treatment. This is not an area which is comfortable for my child. What is other's experience of this? Why would it enhance treatment of a physical disease? How do you explain this to a 14 year old who has had one session a few years ago regarding a totally different issue, hated it, and now is adamant about not going?
thank you,
aprillove678
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If your doctor's suggestion has to do with the CAPi, it could be because some people experience depression on the abxi. The treatment is not easy, and someone must be really motivated to keep it up as you will have noticed by the comments people make on this site.
Does your child want counselling? A fourteen year old should have some say in what happens to him/her. As Jess says a supportive family and friends who truly care would probably be just as good.
My child, who is not fourteen any longer has made many demands on my emotional reserves and sometimes I think it is I who needs counselling. Being very close to someone who is sick can be very traumatic. Luckily for me I have had counselling in the past and have learnt how to support someone through their trauma and continually revisit a 12 step programme to make sure I am on track with my feelings too. It goes without saying that I receive a lot of support from this community too.
Ultimately you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. Your fourteen year old will only benefit from counselling if s/he wants to.
Michele: on Wheldon protocol since 1st May 2006 for a variety of long standing ailments, also spokesperson for Ella started Wheldon protocol 17th March 2006 for RRMSi
Sussex, UK
Michèle (UK) GFAi: Wheldon CAPi 1st May 2006. Daily Doxyi, Azi MWF, metroi pulse.
What a profound statement jess928... "I really don't think that anyone who hasn't experienced serious illness or disability should pretend to understand it." Maybe that has something to do with my daughter's staunch resistance to counseling, I'll ask her. Although her doctor has experienced FM and that helps her trust him to know what he's talking about, someone couseling on chronic illness who hasn't experienced it themself probably does make it more difficult for her to accept. I also know she is 14 going on 25, and as such has found that every doctor talks to her like a child in her opinion and she finds it quite demeaning. So maybe she expects counseling to be no different in that regard. Also, due to her actual age, she still has a hard time feeling like she can express herself openly with an adult from years of being in school and expected to always be respectful, speak only when allowed to etc. It's not that way at home at all, but then she knows us and feels much more comfortable because we encourage her to speak her mind (in a respectful way) and give that respect back so there is trust and lots of love.
I appreciate your response very much. As far as finding a good counselor, I know it can be hard to feel comfortable asking friends due to the risk of being judged and that there is still somewhat of a stigma about therapy and counseling. But you might be surprised who goes to therapy/counseling. My 16 yr old was instant messaging with a friend she isn't real close with and it came up that she is actually getting counseling and goes to a counselor my husband and I have seen over the years since doing pre-marital counseling, but counsels teens and young adults as well. This was the same counselor who my 14 yr old saw once a few years ago, but turned out to not be a good fit for her... everyone is different. So with that said, maybe your parameters for a counselor would be someone who works a lot with young adults like yourself, and has personally experienced chronic illness...? Just a thought - I think Jim would be a good person to get feedback on that.
warmest regards,
aprillove678
Actually I'm not really clear on all the reasons why, but I think just the help in coping with a chronic illness is one of the main reasons. And again, it's in the doctor's treatment protocol for all his patients who are chronically ill (myself included). So I'm sure one deterent is she doesn't see me going to counseling, and it's not that I am opposed, but frankly we both feel so lousy it's a task just to get through the day. So I am not a great model in this regard right now, but when I have felt up to it and gone, I always feel better. So maybe just having more dialog with her about how it helps me, but I do agree with you, Michele, she should have say as to counseling or not, and no, she really does not want to go.
Thanks very much for your input.
warmest regards,
aprillove678
First, Jess, I think the answer for you will be easy. You say you plan to seek counseling when you leave for school. Your school is hugely well-equipped to deal with exactly what you are asking. The clinics at schools have been through all the young angst you could ever imagine! And the good thing is, their patient population is basically a narrow age group, so the thrust of any counseling will already be geared toward someone younger, with less 'learned coping mechanisms' (and I'm not saying middle-aged adult coping mechanisms are good, but we've usually developed some by then). Gear yourself up for visiting them the first week of school, before homesickness settles in on many of your classmates and they inundate the counselors!
April, you're in a tough position. You can tell your physician you see their point, but the child refuses and you will not ratchet up the child's discomfort levels at this point, as stress exacerbates the illness. Or, you could take your child to family counseling, which would satisfy your doctor as to seeing both of you getting some measure of counseling.
Why counseling? Because there is stuff going on, particularly in hormonal teens. On a good day, they are up and down a dozen times, they are several different personalities in a given day and they are trying to figure out how the world works, how relationships work and how to 'fit in'. Now, add an 'incurable illness' to the mix and their whole world becomes far more complicated. Pleasing you means not telling you everything, so a counselor is considered a safer environment. BUT, it's only safe if the child feels it is. You'll probably only get one try, because your child will balk if the first experience isn't a good one (and you already know that from that long-ago encounter with counseling). Get references from school counselors or nurses and interview others who've seen that counselor. Referrals are usually best, kind of like when you're looking for a good carpenter or electrician. (Sorry to go on and on, but I worked with kids for years and they are precious. I'd rather see no counseling, than see an angry, defensive kid dragged off to marginally necessary counseling.)
The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world’s problems. Mohandas Gandhi
The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world’s problems. Mohandas Gandhi
What follows is a rather long comment, which should probably be a post of it's own.
There are a lot of good reasons for seriously ill people to seek counseling, none of which mean that their illness is "psychosomatic." The immunei system is massively integrated with the nervous system and endocrine system, and each of these is integrated with the other. In fact, some theorists in this area have said it's ridiculous to think of them as separate systems at all, and instead they should be thought of as a "Unisystem." Immune cells have receptors for neurotransmitters and endocrine hormones, and in turn many immune cells secrete neurotransmitters and endocrine hormones (the same is true of many non-endocrine organs by the way). Thus there is a constant, multidirection communication and interaction going on which mutually regulates from the micro to macro levels of this 'Unisystem."
The short version of this is, as Dr. Powell says, every thought has a biochemical consequence. I would add that every chemical consequence has the potential to effect our neuro-endocrine system. These conscquences range from very subtle biochemical up or down regulation of some function, all the way to significant T1 (innate immune) inflammatory cycles and suppression of T2 (adaptive immune) immune functions. This even has a name, wait for it... wait for it... "psychoneuroimmunoendocrinology."
I think there are a number of issues here which are important here:
1. Psychological stress of all kinds (historical, current, the stress of disease itself, self-generated stress like perfectionism or an internal critic) effects our immune system and other body functions (see my comments on psychoneuroendocrinology below). People with early trauma appear more susceptible to immune dysfunction and later illness, for example. Look at the people on this website-- how many of us are driven achievers? What is the impact of the constant stress of having a disease? Especially an unrecognized disease (a pre-existing non-condition as far as insurance companies are concerned) for which they get little recognition and support, or actual rejection and denial of their reality by others?
2. Having a disease can generate psychological and coping difficulties--
Having a disease is a trauma in my book (literally). There is anxiety, grief, and loss. All sorts of temporary coping responses (like withdrawal) which can become permanent and maladaptive, etc., All this has a significant impact on psychosocial development, especially in children but also in adults, which can impact self esteem, impact psychosocial development, and both biochemically and psychologically cause anxiety and depression, and other issues.
3. In a family, we can add the entanglements which occur from more than one member being sick, or the developmental enmeshment added between parent and child, etc.
4. There are psychological resources like guided imagery, meditation, relaxation methods, etc. which have great positive impact on disease coping and rate off improvement. I would refer to the www.healthjourneys.com for a superb set of imagery tapes for various diseasesi, (disclosure: created by a colleague of mine; I have no financial interest whatsoever; i have personal gratitude for the resource and my son has used these tapes with benefit).
Are these enough reasons to seek counseling? I could add more.
The big diffficulty is, of course, is conveying this to a 14 year old who absolutely hates the idea of therapy (ask me how I know!). With my now 15 year old daughter who had the identical position-- she saw someone a couple years ago for some depression issues, hates the idea on general principles (her older brother actually asked for counseling for himself, so it's not a child thing), and refused to go back when it was ordered by her doctor.
Now, both her parents are psychologists, so she probably has good reason to refuse to engage with the family business (!) plus her nature is to be self-protective and avoidant of vulnerability. And this whole illness has her in a vulnerable and helpless condition. She massively defends against this vulnerability by surface toughness, which is why talking to a counselor seems anathema, but underneath is massive depression, self-esteem problems, anger, etc. What's a parent to do? (Jess, sound familiar, even if from a different family set-up?).
Our recent response was that this is a required part of her treatment (ie doctor ordered), no different than taking her meds. She could choose the 'who' from a list of counselors she had seen or knew about, but she could not choose to not see one.
Now, psychotherapists are different, and there are many different orientations. I'm partial to Gestalt therapy as it is my own background, and as an approach it is more flexible, creative and adaptive than others. But we know from the research that it's really the person and the match rather than the school of therapy. Talk to your school psychologist and find out who they refer to. Talk to your friends and find out who their kids are seeing and whether they like them. Find out from therapists whether they have a broader approach than just regular counseling, and can add in guided imagery, meditation and body therapy.
Also, I've found that many teens can find entry into therapy through psychologists who do neurofeedback, where they hook you up to a computer and teach you to modify your brain waves for relaxation and the like. To teens it's more like turning your body into a video game, and they start to get the idea that their thoughts have an impact on their body. If the psychologist doing this is also a wise and seasoned therapist, they will know how to use this as a entree into the psychological areas.
Jess- Mac's advice about College Counseling Centers is a good one. You can probably get it for free! There are also not a few of us therapists who have Chronic Fatigue and so don't blame the patient for their disease! But from your description, your family is, to put it mildly, a mite dysfunctional, yes? My experience (I'm speaking personally here as well as professionally) is that dysfunctional families create dysfunctional adaptations in us-- no way around it! If you've had bad therapy in the past I sympathize. There's a lot of that around. But there are a lot of good ones too. Get referrals and interview them. Find out who responds well on the phone, who seems to "get it." It's worth paying for a session with your top choices to find out who you feel good with in person. Keep looking, as there are some gems out there. Oh to be in London, as one of my dear friends is there and I'd be in therapy with her in a minute, she's so fabulous.
Not that I have an opinion about this or anything...
Combined Antibiotic Protocol for Chlamydia pneumonia in Chronic Fatigue Syndromei & Fibromyalgiai- Currently: 150mg INHi, Doxycycline/Zithromycin, Tinidazole pulses. Northern Ohio, USA
CAPi for Cpni 11/04. Dxi: 25+yrs CFSi & FMSi. Currently: 250 aithromycin mwf, doxycycline 100mg BIDi, restarted Tinii pulses; Vit D2000 units, T4 & T3, 6mg Iodoral
If you seek therapy because your friends said so, or don't seek therapy because they said you needed it, it's still about them, yes? As a therapist, I definitely prefer clients who are know they are doing this as an act of faith in themselves. And, any therapist worth your seeing would disagree with any premise that you don't need love or spirituality. Don't pick those other ones!
Combined Antibiotic Protocol for Chlamydia pneumonia in Chronic Fatigue Syndromei & Fibromyalgiai- Currently: 150mg INHi, Doxycycline/Zithromycin, Tinidazole pulses. Northern Ohio, USA
CAPi for Cpni 11/04. Dxi: 25+yrs CFSi & FMSi. Currently: 250 aithromycin mwf, doxycycline 100mg BIDi, restarted Tinii pulses; Vit D2000 units, T4 & T3, 6mg Iodoral