Ok, my name is john. i'm going to try to write this quick and keep it relatively short because my thoughts come and GO pretty fast. i've gotten used to it and it only irritates me in times like this when it's important for me to get the thoughts on the paper fast. I'm here because of a friend and a discussion that we were having about the length of time someone can have these problems and still be moderately functional as a person. JimK's name was brought up because apparently he had this problem for quite some time. i would have written him directly but i thought it would be more appropriate to do this...
you may notice that some of the parts of this blog may not be in the right order. that's ok, i have to write before it goes away. if you choose to read, it will make sence in the end, but you must take every word literally.
anyway, my problem is this:
since i was a child i have had some sort of a problem (that some doctors think is ADD) that makes it hard for me to focus or finish things. my memory is questionable and my body is (in my opinion) not the way it should be. i'll get to that later. i was very athletic and good at it as a kid although i would hit a ceiling to that i couldn't get past. my grades were always ok, but nothing would make them fluctuate. slacking or studying.....nothing but c's. nothing has changed for me (it seems) for my whole life, only now, i'm older. i still look, feel, act, have same memory, absentmindedness, sleep constantly,weight, height as i had when i was 16.
to me, it feels like something is terrebly wrong. i am on the outside looking in on myself. most doctors smerk when i tell them that. i've since found a good one, but i'm nowhere near rich enough to pay for all the time that i would need to convey all the problems that effect my life. he has found CPN though. i feel lucky to have him because most doctors smerk at me and send me away. (i'll explain why).
as i live everyday, i am immune to symtoms. it's hard to explain what i mean exactly but in a nut shell, i can't tell you what's wrong with me except that i'm absent minded, inconsistant. when i feel bad, i don't know why. if i take medicine, i don't know what it does except that i am not sick anymore or my headache is gone. i am oblivious to clues or effects that go on around me or happen to me all of the time. i cannot remember instances. i cannot remember anything of importance to other people and i cannot seem to be able to do anything about it. it does help to write things down, but to make that effective i would have to write a book everyday and then i would just forget where i wrote what i needed. everything takes alot of time. it would seem like i might be a perfectionist or OCD, but i just loose interest of the sort and drift from one thing to the next. i can hardly hold a job. i seem to be able to do a couple of things consistantly but nothing that supports me. i do know that it is getting worse. i guess that has changed from when i was a kid. after many years the same friend on this site (that most of you know of) has coerced me to going to this docter who diagnosed me with CPN, EBV, Chronic Fatigue, Mycoplasma and said that is as good of a place to start as any. ........
well, it seems my story is over. i know i had much more to write just a moment ago, but it's gone now. sorry if this kind of skips around. its hard to tell you what i need out of this. i guess i'll just try to sum up what i wanted to know in the first place....and that is: if jim had a similar problem for such an extended amount of time, could my problems which started as a kid (small kid) be related to any of the illnesses that i have now found (and seem to be getting worse)? the illnesses are listed somewhere here. my friend filled out the blog sheet for me (because i don't know most of the names or regimen of drugs for the illnesses). i'm 31 now. the problem is only growing. i just need to know if i've got any chance of changing back into the person i see myself as......or living a normal life.