I feel as if I just gambled... and lost. I staked my old, really bad state of health in an abx poker game; the winner's pot would have been increased health. And I lost.
Now my heart is messed up, I can't exert myself without cardio symptoms. And I know this about my body: it can't clear toxins without exercise.
I don't even know where to start, and the pain is so bad I can't sleep.
As Scarlett said, tomorrow is another day (or something like that); and I'll think of... something. But oh, tonight is dark and ... almost hopeless.
I know --- I hope --- you folks will understand. I wear my warrior's mask most of the time; it's better for those I love, and for me. It's just, sometimes, I need to weep.