Six days after surgery for double mastectomy in Jan, 08, I "did a pulse", thinking since I would be out of action for a while, I wouldn't waste time doing nothing. Boy, did I get the pot stirred! I think all the flagyl went straight to the surgical site - and I understand that cpn bugs are found in cancer cells. I don't know if this is common, but maybe the experts can comment. In my last blog I mentioned that I am the third known case on our site of this kind of cancer (DCIS or a close cousin), and have since learned of at least three other stage four cancer cases of close friends or relatives of members. It took a very long time to recover from that number 49 pulse - about two months - after which I could again lift the buckets, bags, and partial bales (I still am not strong enough to lift a whole bale of hay, which drives me crazy). What calmed me down enough to get through tbe recovery period was that friends said my body had been through big trauma. Ok. Then as always happens with us here, it was time for - guess what - another pulse! As the Marines say - Hoo-ahh! How did I know it was time for flagyl? It wasn't just the calendar. It took about a week to build up, though it was probably longer. It was a very old signal which had taken a year and a half for me to learn to recognize. This time is was very muted, and I woke up one morning knowing it was the new, improved version of my legs screaming for flagyl. But this time they were saying "Please, can I have some more?", just like Oliver Twist. I said fine. Another post-op episode: I was put on Arimidex, a second-generation tamoxifen and was to take it for five years. My cancer feeds on estrogen, and this drug mops up estrogen. After one month, I spent the afternoon going systematically and seriously through ways to kill myself, after a lifetime of never having had a suicidal thought. It also was destroying my right knee. I realized that this was not a drug that would benefit me in any way and stopped. Now, after six weeks or so without it, my thoughts are back to normal and my knee is better but by no means back to normal. It seems like months or years since I had all the old standard symptoms, but here they were: brain fog and slow, slow thought, joint aches that flitted from joint to joint - nothing like the entrenched "I'm not leaving til my job is done" aches of pulses past, fatigue (this time curable with rest!), ennui, crankiness (where did THAT remark come from?), staggery gait (still have it but getting better finally). In other words, all these and more returned, just like the old days. But like the much brighter future that we saw from the past, I am on a slightly higher plane than I have been for some years. Since I have the floor (and any dear reader can close the curtain at any moment) I am going to have my share of drivel and gossip. (1) From the grapevine: My neurologist is leaving town and won't say where he is going. (2) When I went for my post-op physical, my doctor paid me what I think of as a great compliment: he said I was John Wayne in a woman's body. (3) I am working on getting LDN (low dose Naltrexone) - it is not just for MS patients or cancer patients, but for both. I don't want to wait till I am stage 4. Since I have both, I should be on it, I think. My doctor won't do it (?!) - he thinks I don't need anything because "they got it all" - but Richard is trying to get it for me. (4) In addition to the "catches" in my chest as a teenager, I remembered the next day that in the late 70s I pushed my son's car twice in one week when his battery was dead. Both times my body went numb and I fell down. I can still make my body numb in exactly the same way. There is a lesion in my neck in the spot that gets touched when I put my head down - as though I were pushing a car. So ....is this another tiny piece that says there may be nothing really that is PPMS when you had pneumonia at 10? I have had iritis for twenty-two years and have now fourteen prisms in my glasses, carpal tunnel surgery in both wrists - though I was a pianist from age four, a violinist till I retired, and did heavy carpentry for thirteen years, a propensity for long-lasting, deep coughs after every cold - which is now gone. Obviously I had things going on for decades, but no one knows the big picture yet. I really think we are on to something. Have I said that before? (5) Back to the stupidity to which we were subjected last week on "another site": the person wrote that anyone whose MRI gets better on abx never had MS at all. Does this means that if the bullet that kills goes through that you were not shot?