I’m absolutely convinced that glimmers come along with one purpose in mind – to give us a taster of the possibilities, in order to keep us going. I’ve had a rough time for the past 10 weeks, since the last pulse. I was especially fed-up with it all last week, as I’d planned to go away for a few days, but it wasn’t looking hopeful, as I was feeling too poorly to even get out of bed. I was starting to lose hope and couldn’t face the thought of ever pulsing again. But then, by some miracle, I did manage to have my few days away. And I’ve come back with so many glimmers, that I really feel I need to share them.The main die-off and inflammation from the last pulse was in my brain. I’ve had what I’ve always described as ‘a pain inside my head’, on and off, for the past 25 years. It’s a very specific pain, in a certain place, on the right side. It’s been revisited from time to time since I started CAP, but this was the first time it’s been so constant and overwhelming. That continued for about 4 weeks, along with trigeminal neuralgia and pain inside my right ear. Weakness returned in my left side and walking wasn’t so good again.It overlapped slightly with revisiting of the Interstitial Cystitis symptoms. I had that about 5 or 6 times a year, from the age of about 13. It disappeared the moment I started CAP and this was the first time it had been revisited.Then I started to have night sweats – I’m used to this and I think it tends to be one of the ways my body uses to detox. But this was far more extreme than usual, as I was waking several times every night, with both me and all the bedding completely drenched. And next came the chest infection symptoms. I’ve had some die-off in my lungs before, but this seemed to be a mass suicide of the bacteria.I wasn’t able to go away when I’d intended, but the minute I felt a bit better, I went off for my few days at the seaside. I knew some sea air would work wonders, as it always cheers me – and knew that I would be miserable beyond words if it turned out to be another thing I had to miss, as there seem to have been too many of those this year.The crutch which I’d so much been relying on to walk hasn’t seen the light of day for the 3 months – condemned to a life in the car boot, just in case. I don’t wish to tempt fate! My walking has gradually been getting stronger and balance improving. But even I’m surprised by the amount of walking I managed to do the last few days. Miles! Yes, it was flat and straight ground, and I still need to concentrate all the time on my walking and remembering to strike my heel on the ground properly. And yes, it probably did help that I was by the sea and in the sunshine – but this is improvement beyond anything I would have ever imagined possible when I started CAP. I was visiting places I used to go to regularly, but haven’t had the chance to go to for the past 3 years. I remember all the times I’ve been there, longing to go for a walk to the pier or along the promenade, but just couldn’t manage it. I think it must be about 10 years since I’ve been able to do the walking I did this week.And another glimmer: I was able to walk on the pebble beach. My balance has always struggled with that. And, after walking on the pebble beach and then on the ground, I realised something. I could feel the ground under my feet. I’ve not been able to do that since the neuropathy symptoms increased, about 7 or 8 years ago.And, not just a glimmer but perhaps more a bright shining light – I climbed the 169 steps to the top of this lighthouse: http://www.dungenesslighthouse.com/index.php OK, it was probably more down to stubborn determination than anything else and I’m not sure there’ll be a repeat performance very soon. I’ve struggled with stairs for years. But it’s so rare for me to feel OK, I think I saw this as a special treat – a reward for the not so good bits of CAP. I love lighthouses and this was the first time I’ve ever been able to go to the top of one. It had to be done! And it felt good!!!In many ways, I seem to have spent more time feeling more ill this past 12 months, than ever. Every time I feel OK, it doesn’t seem to last more than a few days before I again become shivery, fatigued, and then more die-off, pain, inflammation, toxins and porphyria. It would not look, to a casual observer, as though I’m making good progress, or any progress. I think it’s generally expected that recovery will be a linear process, bit by bit feeling better and regaining function. I’m finding CAP is the completely opposite. Loads of feeling worse, lots of steps backwards for every few steps forward – but, whilst that’s going on, whilst you feel too ill to notice, amazing things happen.What was it I said about last week, feeling as though I couldn’t face the thought of ever pulsing again? Well, a metronidazole tablet was swallowed a couple of hours ago!